Iowan Derangement Explained- Shocking Discovery

Filed under: Family Updates,Uncategorized — Chamberlain @ 3:15 pm
No. 64

Departing Address from The Chamberlain…

“Recent events, many unknown to the family at large, and only superficially touched on in the Comments following our last post, have, I am saddened to say, radically weakened The Chamber, crippling its many activities and threatening even its very survival. Vulgarities, fabrications, brash insubordination, and reckless ambition run unchecked. Newest amongst these outrages we have threats, threats that will not be printed here, but real enough to warrant Radical Measures. To wit:

  • The Chamberlain cannot safely reside in The Chamber, but will move about Incognito until this Crisis is resolved.
  • The Chamberlain has handed over management of the Chamber’s Daily Affairs to his Undersecretary, Mellifiscent Portobello, effective immediately.
  • Ms Portobello will keep Rumpians informed of the State of the Chamber via OurRumpus until it is safe for The Chamberlain to return.
  • Haiku Heist Investigators looking into the theft of the Haiku Trophy will relay their findings to The Chamberlain and Rumpians at large through Ms Portobello.

Fellow Rumpians, let us undo these injustices! Take heart, remembering that

… he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call’d the feast of Chamberlain.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Chamberlain.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Chamberlain.’
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say ‘These wounds I had on Chamberlain’s day.’
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words…..

I go now, but will return – you will be in my thoughts – until we rumpus again…”

The Chamberlain

Ms Portobello’s Update:
“What then do we know about this Iowan Cabal? We know that there has been a veritable RumperGate, a break and entry into the Chamber, and theft of The Trophy. In addition, false documents have been placed in such a way as to attract the attention and suspicion of Aunt Sarah, accounting for her unfounded accusations noted in recent Comments. Meanwhile this junta has kept the Trophy moving from place to place in its vain attempt to escape our investigators. To conclude, I now share a recent discovery that perhaps explains the capacity for heinous behavior that we have seen in our (distant) relations. I refer to the treasured Les Trois Mademoiselles (sic – Iowan spelling) portrait of our ancestors. On an anonymous tip, it was suggested that we look at the reverse side of this portrait. The findings were shocking – hover your mouse over the portrait to see for yourself what lurks behind…


Eureka, the heretofore unknown progenitor responsible for The Inherited Derangement, long known about (but hidden) by the family. More about him and the Trophy search to follow…”

Respectfully Submitted by Ms Portobello, for the Chamberlain…


  1. Ms. Portobello,

    A point of clarification and a confession. That lovely festooned gentleman on the reverse is non-other Claire McClelland’s ballet instructor, Kalos Ghoregos. When she and Sarah Smith take to the floor at Dunn Hill, they prefer to channel his presence and his genius inspires their every arabesque. The two of them, though small, are powerful and they flip the portrait round. Its an apotropaic device, really, the python wards off Kate and Charlotte Judy’s evil eyes, envious admiration to be sure of the swirling clouds of pink and foamy tulle on the Dunn Hill dance floor.

    By the bye, you ought to award that Haiku trophy and be done with it. The girls are absolutely desperate for the next internecine conflict — an event sure to be the most hotly contested yet: Moone Athy Dance Fever. Daisy and Sarah Lin have already been filming and will be uploading their clip to the site. I hear that Will Tatum himself may even be inspired by the furious pas de bouree and will offer his own interpretive Mexican hat dance…. Anon to the next agon!

    Sincerely, Zellie McClelland

    Comment by chambers — December 21, 2008 @ 8:53 am

  2. Mellifiscent Portobello,

    On this most holy 4th Sunday of Advent, I bid a thorough investigation of Clare O’Toole as a conceivable suspect in the Haiku Theft. The information I have gathered comes directly from rumor mongers (my own progenitor and facebook). While we have seen idyllic visions of Clare tending her sheep and buttressing church ruins, I understand Clare’s appearance is altered. Could it be that she is hiding the family treasure?

    My shrewd Uncle Calvin forgot to mention the matrilocal nature of the Chambers family. I think Mellifiscent Portobellow should use this insight as I have reason to believe that Clare is not the only Chambers member cloaking an article which may be of great interest to the Chamberlain.

    We await further exposes on the State of the Chamber. “Delays have dangerous ends.” This vile and cursed phenomenon has caused much ruckus in our offspring’s credence of the arrival of St. Crispian’s Day.

    Unfeignedly yours,
    Helene Fehlig Tatum

    Comment by chambers — December 21, 2008 @ 3:30 pm

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